Words

I wanted to write about being perfectly hollow when I realised I wasn't hollow . I am filled with the Holy Spirit and that makes me filled and not hollow :) so today's post is about words.

Have you ever been hurt by someone's words? Have you ever said hurtful words to a friend? Have there been words that built you up? Have you ever encouraged someone?

Surely the answers to those questions are yes, everyone has good and bad experiences with words. To me, words are the sharpest double edged swords that ever existed. Words from the same mouth can build someone up and tear then down at the same time. 

My past week, I've said lots of hurtful things to the people around and I have been hurt countless of times through careless words by another person. We sometimes say things without meaning them or without thinking. 

Impulsiveness - this is the very thing that drives those hurtful words right into the hearts of others. 

So what I'm trying to say is... We should be more patient and less impulsive, to control the end result that won't put us in a spot. Spouting something hurtful and having to clean that mess isn't an easy job and I'd rather avoid and prevent it as much as possible. 

So this week's take away message is to tame our tongues, that it will not hurt the ones we love or care about. 

Sorry about being so bitter early in the morning :/ 

Why oh why?

Feeling so guilty...

Today I rejected someone and I'm feeling super guilty but I know its better to reject the person then to let him have false hopes. This is one of the reasons why I hate BGR, cause unlike the typical Korean/Taiwan/HongKong or whatever drama, things are never that smooth. It's sooooo annoying actually. Having to try to NOT BE AWKWARD and consult people on what to do and being indecisive and irritating in the eyes of some people ANDDD things don't just end once you reject the person. The person may turn to hate you or continue liking you and you can't do anything about it and things get awkward and I hate AWKWARDNESS EVEN THOUGH IM QUITE THE AWKWARD TURTLE. Ahhh whatever, the best solution is to just pray about it. 

K, and another thing is that my GPA dropped last semester and I'm super bitter. WHAT AM I TO DO WITH MY LIFE?!! I wished there was a restart button for everything, then I can start off as an EMO kid and isolate myself from the world and be EMO but nope, not going to happen cause I have this huge issue about being a loner. I cannot live without friends/company. 

Ok, forgot it, I'm going to just be a mugger and focus on refining my other talents and not waste effort on people problems.

Then again, why in the world would someone like me? I'm trying to be boy enough to not get caught in such situations and it's not working.. And I'm not say very pretty and FAT, my fashion sense is strange (I like it though) and I'm super impatient with almost everyone, I'm awkward with guys cause I'm from an all girls school and I sometimes say hurtful things without thinking. I AM WEIRD , PEROID. 

Back to studying 

What are friends? Can eat one ah?

So what are friends? People say friends are the best gifts in life, others say they are free entertainment... Ok no one actually says those stuff but it's said that no person with ZERO friends can truly be happy

Friends are like the biggest part in my emotional rifes, my ups and downs, my happiest and saddest times. Best friends are meant to be there for you when you're sad, happy or just need a friend that's why they are your BEST friend . I always believed that if you treasure someone, they will realize it and treat you back the same but NO! Life isn't all rainbows and happy endings. This is the real world and happy endings don't come from fairy godmothers but by ones own effort. 

In my entire life before I entered poly, the people whom I considered my bestest friends are now nothing but people I barely talk to. We put on a mask as if we're still close and frankly I feel that I'm the only one trying to salvage the relationship when one day, it's too tiring to continue and everything falls apart. Yes, it sadly does. That's why I hate life, I hate it so bad....

But everything is meant to balance out. Cause & Effect. 

Time to turn those emotions off, that's when you'll realize those people who truly cherish you. It's amongst the cold world where the love will burn even hotter. Yes, I've decided on whom to keep and whom to let go, whom to love more and whom to stop wasting time on. It may sound like they are nothing but toys but it won't hurt you to stop playing with your brokem toys. 

There are so many other people out there who will treasure you more than those who are causing you pain now. I'm not telling you to run away from the people hurting you, but instead, I'm asking you to focus on those who love you instead.

So now in happily living life with my close friends whom I've never thought of before :) you'll find your place I this world someday too! 

This is Our God!

"Today, PLUNGE 2013 has ended but the things we learn will remain in us forever"

Being a part of the camp committee for this event, the entire planning stage and the progression of things were clear to me and to be honest, without God, the camp would have failed super badly. The plans kept changing, there were no games trial, each meeting we had felt like an entire waste of time as the group focused on the very small details of the camp and not the main events that were to happen. To make matters worse, everyone was extremely busy with their own schedule and it was human nature for us to place our academics & work before the planning of the camp. 

During this camp, I have experience and seen things I never thought I would ever encounter in my life especially since the environment I was brought up in was a very toned down one - the people around me don't do drugs nor smoke, the worse thing they ever did was swearing... Well, that was before I came to polytechnic and met more people and see a fuller picture of society. That's why I can now relate when you tell me things about people going through so much drama in their life. But the worse part about that is that they don't have God in their life. I know many people out there are going to be skeptical about the things I'm about to say but I encourage you to read it through. I was once skeptical too, about many things in fact. 

Before the camp actually started, way way way back during the planning stage, I had problems with everything. I felt that my ideas were put down and that people do not give me credit for the things I do, but now it's all not important cause what can these credits do for me in life? It's nothing but a mere pride issue that I have had since forever and I want to change myself! So the planning was hmm not going so well? To the point of it being very screwed. And the days before camp, it was just thunderstorms in Singapore as well as in my heart...

I had been wondering why I don't feel God's presence as strongly as I used to especially during worship and services. Also, I haven't been reading my bible at all since school restarted due to all the projects, competitions, and catching up sessions (I know this is a bit irrelevant). Also, the week before my exams, I was just extremely stress as everything was just memorising which isn't something I'm good at, well the main reason for all the stress is actually cause of my GPA. I feel the need to maintain it and in order to do so, I obviously have to do well but things this semester just isn't going well. All my previous quizzes are done rather badly and I totally relied on my own strength and not of God... In the end, all the programmes flowed smoothly and every camper had an amazing experience of being drunk in the presence of God.

During the camp, so many things happened that I don't know where to start. On the first night, people were growing and receiving healing. On the second night, people were laughing, crying and falling, full of the Holy Spirit, and for the first time I saw it happen - evil truly fearing our great God. When Christians lose their identity, the identity of being God's child, the evil one finds their way into the heart and grows with every negative thought. So there were these things in people and it manifested in their own language because the presence of God was so so strong that it had no where to hide, so it manifested. Honestly, I was struck with fear at first cause I'm scared these stuff what! But then I am reminded that even the name of our lord Jesus holds power, power so strong that it chases demons out of people. In these case, it isn't a demon but something not of God but God still works the same! It was our first encounter and we didn't know how to handle it but there were people who faced this every week of their life. So, we didn't know what to do and hence it took very long for the evil spirit to leave the person. Now what I'm saying sounds really unbelievable because I did doubt these things too until I witnessed it that day. Indeed in the name of The Lord, the evil was cast out of the person but it can always strike again whenever the person forgets his/her identity. When I was praying for the person whose "thingy" within manifested, I actually started speaking slightly in tongues and so did my twin! However, I thought it was just my brain making me say it and that it's not from God - later the next day I learnt that this is a trick of the devil >:)

So on the third day, they asked people who wanted to receive the gift of tongues to step forward and I did because I thought I had a chance after the previous night. (Tongues - a spiritual blessing where we speak either a foreign language to minister to others or when we speak in an unknown language that we use to talk to God) at first I thought I felt it but then I went to register it in my brain and I felt that I was doing it intentionally... LOL. Ok then during the soaking session at night (soaking - singing songs of worship to The Lord to usher His presence in upon us and allow Him to fill us with the spirit) I felt that calling to pray for my friend and as I did it, my mouth just started shaking and words that I didn't understand just flowed out. That's when I knew that it wasn't me, I couldn't have done it... No one can fluently speak strange language and the best part is it totally didn't involve the brain but the words just formed at the mouth! It sounded like "shiakatatatatatatata" I don't know cause if i did then it would have gone through my train of thoughts, and we learnt that we're like babies speaking the language so there's a lot of repetitive terms like a baby only can say "nganganganga" 

So it was a really good experience and later that night, we practised our healing gift on our dear friend and I actually felt the presence flowing out of me! This is sooooo cool~ 

So we witnessed healing and even experienced it! #YF #PLUNGE was really a great experience that I'll never forget :) 

GROUPINGS AND TRIBES~ cool only

Games prop~ smiley stress balls

Irrelevant but... CG iPHONES UNITE! Woohoo~

Night games - Bauderdash? I don't know I think it's called Bauderdash haha 

 Blessed to have these amazing blessings in my life, the people who will pray for you, strengthen you and grow with you

It's not the end yet, this is just the BEGINNING!

Down & Out - Mood Swings

Haisssssssss sorry to start on such a low note and before I go onto the content, I'd like to thank my stalkerish friend Julia who has been faithfully reading my blog haha

Today there was a test, a bio test. It's a year 1 subject and actually very easy, so I wanted to get an A. However, I knew the content was going to be tested but for some strange reason, I just didn't want to study for it.. Yeah stupid right. So in the end, it really came out in the test and I... Didn't know how to answer. So initially I wrote down a few different types of answers cause I didn't know what the question want. And I guess you all would already know what will happen next... Yes I cancelled the correct answer and kept the wrong answer. If it were a 2 mark question, I wouldn't really care cause the other questions in the test was super easy and "confirm" correct. But NO! It had to be 6 marks, and that 6 marks = no more A. 

So initially I was disappointed, then it got to frustration with myself, then I start venting it out to my peers (which I obviously regret immediately after doing it) then it changed to guilt then sadness then... EMOOOOOOOMOMOOOOO!!!! 

I sound happy typing this right? Haha that's cause now I am happy! Stupid mood swings have their benefits too :) ok. But that's not the point. For every mood, there will be a stimuli and for this happiness I am feeling? That's all thanks to the awesome friends my God has provided me with. 

Stupidest thing I did today: cry for an inappropriate reason haha

Best thing that happened: friends :)

Yes friends happened! Hahaha this awesome group of people never fail to turn my frown upside down! 

So if you're feeling lonely or moody or sad, my best advice to you is

1. Let it all out (if you hate crying in public like me, go hide in a toilet - I do that all the time except today haha) 

2. Get your friends to understand you (but close friends normally notice something's wrong even if you don't show it... Or maybe you think it's not obvious but it actually is.)

3. Go out and have fun! And promise to never ever let yourself lose out on the fun just because of some stupid mood swing :) 

:D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) :D :) :D (I am trying to help you smile!!) 

Are you smiling yet? No? 

Awwww what a cute smileyyyyy!! Hahaha

Smile la ah! HAHAHAHA 

Family is still family

Sometimes... Your family members may seem like the most annoying people on earth. They may seem like the least understanding of them all and we tend to consult our friends way more than our parents or siblings... It's normal. But at the end of the day, a family is still family and will always be family...

Today I went to the hospital to visit my great grandmother. I was told she didn't have much time. Before visiting her I was all "oh, I'm going to the hospital today cause my great grandmother is about to kick the bucket" and I know it's really cold of me to say something like that but the truth is, I never talked to her before and I only ever see her once a year (CNY). So she's like an acquaintance rather than a family member to me. Yeah so I was being all cold and "I don't really care" attitude.
But upon arriving at the hospital... I saw her on the bed and my heart literally sunk. It was the first time I had such a feeling. She was nothing but skin and bones, hee left eye socket sunk in for she didn't have an eyeball there, she practically gasped every breathe she took as if each breathe hurt her. I heard she just had her uterus removed cause there was some growth at her ovaries that could spread and cause harm.. So it was a major operation and I can see that it still hurt from the way she couldn't lie down properly... All in all, these actually caused me to tear up. But I didn't cry cause it would be strange. Stillllllll, this was very unexpected especially since I didn't really care about it a minute ago...

I didn't think of the usual "what will I be like if it was actually someone I cared more about" cause I did that sort of stuff before. I want to help her, I want to save her, I want to convert her! But I just didn't have the guys to speak up. I'm such a weakling when it comes to this kind of thing......

Magical Eighteen

I'm 18 and it has been 1 week. This year, I have spent my BESTEST birthday ever with the AWESOMEST people in my life :D
Lets rewind time to when I was a kid:
I've never really been the popular one in school and most of the time my birthday celebrations are planned by myself •_•" yes a really sad life I would say. And I have never experienced a surprise birthday celebration or a celebration planned by others cause firstly, I am quite hard to surprise (hehe BHB) and Secondly, no one bothers cause my birthday is always during the exam period..
In secondary school:
Well my group of friends have always been throwing surprise party for all the other members in the group but whenever it came to me... It was just "happy birthday" no celebration and no surprises. I used to think it was similar to the rice ball story I heard when I was a kid. "Once upon a time, there was a world of rice balls and there was this one rice ball who was really sad. He could see all the delicious ingredients of other rice balls as they were implanted at the back of a rice ball and yet he couldn't see how beautiful his own plum was for it was stuck to his own back. He got jealous and depressed, not knowing how jealous others were of his plum." So I thought that maybe it's just that we couldn't see it for ourselves.. But the surprise I waited for year after year never came...
This year:
My new CG mate gave me a pleasant surprise by not being mainstream and gave me my present 1 week earlier!!
My poly class had a chalet and my awesome clique managed to surprise me with this awesome cake and lots and lots of presents! It's really for the first time! I had totally given up all hope of ever receiving a surprise birthday! Then came my family! Who brought me to this really good Korean BBQ restaurant to celebrate my birthday! My BESTEST poly friend (JODI!!!) surprised me on maple with Dango!!! (YES I AM A KID THAT PLAYS MAPLE!!) AND today, my secondary school friends surprised me once again (nope, not the clique I was in) these awesome people all around me all this time and yet I was so blind to not have known. On my birthday, I received many special messages that I will cherish forever. Firstly, from my 17.5years of friendship friend (BFFL!!!!) and secondly from my ex-LP whom I share all (well almost) my stories with thirdly, my ex wife who happens to be a BAO and lastly, my Whaley friend :D cause she is a whale :)
Being blessed is one thing and feeling loved is another. I know how blessed I am but being loved is equally good :)
I love how my life is changing for the better :) "well it's the thought that counts" some may say but action speaks louder than words and sometimes the thoughts alone never reaches the person...

God is Amazing.

God has always been there for me, be it my biggest or littlest problems, He's always there to see me through!
Yesterday, it was my turn to present my final presentation in front of the entire class and to be honest, presentation is my weakness. I get jelly legs and stutter in front of the class. Language isn't my forte as well, I tend to get my grammar mixed up and spout a whole lot of nonsense. So it was finally my turn to present, my heart beat was deafening and I could feel my whole body shaking with anxiety and nervousness. Before that, I had been praying multiple times, asking God to calm me down and to see me through. But at that moment when it was my turn, I almost lost faith as I was shaking like nobody's business! So I went up, took my props and stood in front of the class, ready to fail this subject when the teacher said this "I need to use the washroom, you have 2 minutes to prepare!" I was stunt! She never ever did this before and so I was the "lucky" one that got time to feel comfortable on stage and to get rid of my stage fright! I knew things couldn't be so coincidental and that God was definitely at work! During the speech I stumbled in the beginning but I paced myself and carried on presenting. Here's the second time God help me, during Q&A, the teacher suddenly asked my a question that really took me by surprise. I didn't know how to respond at all but my hands and mouth were already acting on their own! Amazingly, she said that the question was handled in the right way an commended me!
Wow, a noob like me answering that question the right way? Definitely not my strength but God's at work!
Also, I got back my quiz for CellBio and guess what? Full marks for the lecture quiz! And same goes for Organic Chemistry!
Indeed, God has showered plenty of love upon my and always there for me! Of course I don't only praise Him when things are going well, but also when they're bad. At least He's given me the strength to stand back up on my feet and do better the next time! :)
Praise The Lord for He is good, His love endures Forever! :)

Back to school o_O 2013

Heyyy so it's the new year and this will be my very first post all over again!!
So the world didn't end in 2012 or I wouldn't be here typing this. But seriously, what would you have done if you knew the world was ending?
Carry on with your daily life? Confessing to your crush? or Bringing people to Christ? :) yup you'd think I'm holy and all but bringing people to Christ is my duty. I grow the seed and God makes them bloom into beautiful flowers! So have a great new year brothers and sisters in Christ :)

OKAY NOW MY BORING LIFE STORY.